In my journey to find a balance with what I can and cannot control I have been photographing physical manifestations of my emotions as well as recreating memories that have left a significant scar. I cannot fix everything even though I try, rationally I know this but it hasn't stopped me from trying. The end result has been self-destructive behavior.
I have been reintroducing myself to past traumas while coming to terms with what happened, how it affected me, and how I have grown as a person. This work is a coping method. A controlled environment where I can lose control and process things that I have either repressed or lied to myself about.
My photographs are a way to communicate how I have grown from these events and how some still have a hold on me. Work by artists such as Todd Hido, Tracey Baran, and Gregory Crewdson have assisted in navigating how I want to convey these difficult topics. While they each have very different subject matter there are aspects within each artists work that are influential to how I tell my story.
I am forgiving the past and moving forward with my life. This work is my way of reclaiming who I am and that while my past helped shape me into who I am it does not define me.
"It is true that as long as we live we may keep repeating the patterns established in childhood. It is true that the present is powerfully shaped by the past. But it is also true that insight at any age keeps us from singing the same sad songs again." - Judith Viorst
I am breaking these patterns, gaining insight, and moving forward.